..SaNeLy..InSaNe..

..HYPOCRITS..

2008-04-09T04:17:00.001-07:00

They say, they speak
They form opinions
criticize you, judge you
On basis of what….they’re clueless!
Ignoring themselves and concentrating elsewhere.

One sight and you feel sick in your gut
Cause it does not make any sense
And has no meaning
Something’s are best left untouched
But they don’t leave one bit
They don’t leave you.

Trying hard not to speak, as it would be of no use…you do at times
Cause it’s hard, it’s difficult
To just hear all that’s irrelevant

They preach and expect you to follow
It’s beyond your capacity to understand
From the beginning to the end
It’s their game, an unfair game
Hypocrisy has taken over
And their rule exists

..BLACK FAITH..

2008-04-09T03:56:00.000-07:00

This depression makes me sick

makes me want to clad myself full black to not even see my existence

I want to wake up to remember nothing

Its all blurry everything seems empty including him n me

him who wants to see me smile and me who gives me hope

The picture is clobbered for its a clash of thoughts and feelings creating a hushbush within me

calm yet hyper, two extremes striving to merge into one,yet refusing to accept each other

my heart melts making me feel soft

contradicting this is my steaming mind turning me brutal to me and all the other souls

how to define this is what i am trying to do

but with each progressing second it gets heavier on my whole body

turning me numb making me feel dumb cause i am clueless about my own feelingsits

all turning dark with each bark of my rushing thoughts

scary is what it sounds and appears

yet i am here sharing with the world for it consoles met hat i am not alone in this battle

it makes me light cause i have company while i fight against this constant rage

[the tilte is taken from the name of a boutique in Bombay called "Black Faith"..a friend told me about it and even got me a present...thanx krish:):)]

..DEAD SCARLETT..

2008-04-09T01:21:00.000-07:00

I wished to write this when the whole media hype would vanish form the Scarlett Keeling's rape and death case.
The police, the government and the media have done their share (as they say) and now there are many many more just like this one going to happen.

It is stupid to categorise people and judge crime.It could be anyone, a hippy, a goth or any damn person on this planet. Justice should be the same for all. There are people who live diferently cause they refuse to conform themselves to the society's norms or for various other reasons but this doesnt give us the fellow people, the government and the police to judge them and treat them with cruelty.Yes fiona leaving scarlett in a nation compeltely alien to scarlett is wrong but whether shes had 5 or 100 husbands that doesnt matter.

It all belongs to the root of it that no matter what, whetehr democracy or kingdom rule, for women its always the latter because we can never live the way we want.(And i have freedom as one of the topics in philosophy..freedom to do what we want?)... what a pitty!
I mean a man's identity is never questioned when it comes to matters like these but in a snap a women's identity is questioned and shes scrutinized from each and every angle..
We all have the right to live the way we want. This all belongs to the ancient times when mughals use to rape the Indian women while they were ruling and the women were made to put a red tikka n wear mangalsutra by their family for the sole purpose that since a woman is married she wont be attacked. But today no woman is spared whether she arrives totally inebriated to a bar at 3 in the morning or whether shes fully clad and is just walking on a street even in the afternoon, shes picked up by the hungry men who loose there humanity for their mere lusty satisfaction.

According to the "people", this is a case of a foolish mother who now regrets her deeds, whos sleepless nights are filled with the phrase "if only" constantly ringing in her head. But it could be anyone one of us women? anyones wife,daughter?
Its very easy for others to blame women who expose cause they are inticing the men..
Whether we women intice men or not, whether we are naked or fully clothed we are vulnerable each and evry moment even if we choose not be. What about a 2 month old small baby girl whos father rapes her.Will you blame her for lying naked on the bed when she doesnt even know what world she has stepped in when shes only 2 months and will know years later what a bastard her father is or will you question the fuked up world we are in?

Everyone has made allegations against Fiona and Scarlett being drug addicts. The question here:if it isnt for these politicians then how the hell are drugs even available?
If we observe , "POLI" both police n politicians make each other.The police makes politicians by elcting them and the politicians make the police by loading them with money.Its a vicious cycle and all this has been going on for ages.
This is just ONE RAPE CASE!!
This case is just one among the infinite cases.

Instead of blaming and pointing fingers and forming our narrow opinions why don't we all do something to change our selves.Society expects a girl to be docile and well mannerd and a boy to be aggressive and the result is these cases.

My request to evreyone is that its not easy to face something drastic when something goes wrong with ourselves but when its others then its all a matter of judgement and opinions. Society's so called "norms" and "rules" are created by us. For the betterment of this world and us its high timewe stop succumbing to them.

[This is to all the men and women who who have accused Fiona of being a bad mother and Scarlet of being an estrayed teenager]

WOMEN: It's a shame on us for how you can even think fo blaming Fiona (imagine if it was your daughter even though she doesnt do drugs and does not indulge in sex)

MEN: Imagine being in a woman's shoes for one day,just one and you'll know that life from a man's living is not even an inch closer to a woman's living.

THIS IS TO ALL THE WOMEN WHO CONSTANTLY STRUGGLE EACH DAY AND STILL LIVE WITH A SMILE ON THEIR FACE!! AND TO YOUNG SCARLETT FOR SHE WAS TOO YOUNG TO REALISE!!
PEACE!

..WANDERING PHOENIX..

2007-07-23T01:18:00.000-07:00

my story isn't short
if i want i can go on and on
rebelious is who i am
and to question false beliefs
am the first to stand

like the stray dog crushed under a car
i'm begining to see my scars
i've turned to crack
i keep no track

like the sudden spasm of pain when your veins are entangled
i feel the same when am questioned
physically am weak, emotionally am wrecked
i've become phelgmatic

spurned a million times
but like 'phoenix'
I’v risen again
Everywhere I wander
No purpose no goal
Just me n my mind
Going places to places

..RANDOM THOUGHTS..

2007-07-23T01:12:00.000-07:00

high.....................been high ............... high on myslf.....
my imaginary wings n the pink i hair......with florecent tips....n orange feet.....neatly groomed.....the purple birds sitting next to me.....
while i make me another joint.....
there comes my pink dragon who will save me frum the ills of the world
n take me to the white wonderland
sway me away back into the time where there existed none of us
it was a trance
the chirping birds sang their songs like jimi played as though he was invisible
they flew with no objections
randomly carried along with the wind were the flowers n
trees
the leaves never fell from the branches , glued to their fellow bearer, where sun rose in harmony n the moon with pride
the sunrays scattered with freedom the waves crashed in peace
the sky looked colorful n happy the thought made me happy
as th breeze took me away
my feet sunk in sand my body felt light
my soul felt light my mind at ease my skin so soft
smile on my face
as i made me another joint

..HOPE..

2007-07-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

everyone wants to be loved cared appreciated hugged n kissed we all want to feel protected n be understood some recieve it some dont some feel it some dont it's hard for those who dont, to let go they put a smile on their face and rot from beneath cause they dont want the pitty from others but acception u dont have it neither do i u'v been wondering n as i type this am wodering too i cant figure it out maybe cause my mind isn't working or maybe cause its working way too much im confused
i cried n screamt but invain i dont want to think although am thinking i want to feel bt am numb i want to be strong bt am weak hw to move on i dont know it scares me i want to laugh bt i cant stop crying
n nw at this point i can typ no more cause am loosing out on words bt as i end this just one thing dt i know will remain mine is HOPE n am livin on itcause there's nutin els i cn live on
wt we want n dont want is upto usppl n things affect r life fr sure bt then hope is sumtin that noone cn take from anyone i learnt it th very very hard wayn from hopeless i turned to be hopeful.....................wishing i cn always n forever.......

..LOVE..

2007-07-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

From the time I met you
I’ve been on this constant high
You’re my drug
The drug that takes me away from all my sorrows
And brings a smile upon my face.

You’re someone I had not imagined to be with
I don’t know whether its destiny or fate
I feel lucky
Cause every time I am in your arms
I feel protected.

You make me so happy
You make me laugh
You make me feel beautiful
You give me desires
You give me hope
You’re my ecstasy!!

Like the flowers that blossom with the morning dew
My face glows with you’re one glance
I feel the adrenaline rush when I’m with you
And when you’re away I’m eager to be with you.

Your charm is mesmerizing
Your words take me into the fantasy world
Where everything is bright
Makes me want to stay there.

I am running out of words to describe my feelings
Cause as I said I’m on this constant high
I’m high on you
It’s difficult to hold even if I wish to
Cause
I’m falling in love with you

..EMPTY..

2007-06-07T02:09:00.001-07:00

Everything so weird
everything so still
everyone so same
there’s nothing that’s real
all that’s going is fake
cause everyone does it for sake
no helping hand with a smile,world’s just blind
they are walking like dead souls without any goals

it’s all so crowded with no one of trust
cause it’s for just
just for the sake
just to say
just to be
just to see

here’s what I have to say
open your eyes and see the world at bay
it’s insanity to say you love someone
cause you are not going to be the one
all the rules are broken everyone’s shaken

reality bites truth dies
nothing to say
nothing to show
nothing to see
nothing to see

..PAHELI..

2007-06-07T02:01:00.000-07:00

Who you are no one knows
Where you live is unknown!

You’re called “god, the creator”
And you perform different roles in the name of Shiva, Jesus, Allah
And many unknown!

Pray to you, bow down to you and you’ll shower blessings
Is the belief followed by umpteen souls!

Anxious are they to see you
Although you’re identity is unknown!

You gave rise to prayers
And have so many for you in different ways!

You gave rise to religion
Which has created divisions
Cause they who call themselves religious
Want to protect you!

You’re appearance is visible in numerous ways
Yet you’re invisible!

They say you’re the only one…
Yet they have made you in multiple ways!

You’re a mystery that cannot be explored
Which is again a mystery
And
“God knows when you’ll be known”!

..EMBARRASSMENT..

2007-03-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

The embarrassment you face, no one knows
Why always me? Is all you want to know.
Beneath, there’s something hidden,
It’s a wish, a wish to change

The hype created around spoken words
The thoughts thought and the speeches made
A rule declared
But….you feel its incongruity

Afraid your thoughts will not be heard
Try to speak, but when given a chance
You stay silent and eschew the questioning glances.

So, with no justification,
It’s not justified, or so they say
You become deterrent.
Your tendency to vacillate is the cause,
Or so you think
But it all disappears in a blink.

Their logic is a temptation, hard to resist,
And so, you give in.
Along the horizon, all’s vague.
Regret, contaminates your soul,
For an opportunity lost, to make your voice heard.
Yes, it’s complicated,
For all that appears is unthinkable,
Unreasonable and against the grain,
Yet acceptable….to most,
But in conducive to all.

However….you let go,
For this, to some, is the only truth
And it’s all here to stay.
Accepting it isn’t the solution
But a co-existence may,
Make the embarrassment easier to face.

..AN ORPHAN'S CRY..

2007-01-30T06:03:00.000-08:00

Maa, i dream of you, i cry for you
i ponder all day long why i don’t have you
i hate all, cause i see the crowd
but you’re missing
envy is all i do, when i see those
several mothers, but not you

where you are i don’t know
but i cry for so
i want to carry on
but cannot without you

Maa, without you i see nothing, all is blurry
i crave for you
like a dieing soul for his life
all I think is this but
when will it come true

waiting for so long I’m not tierd
since I’m anxious for you
i wish to break the shell
and see you appear
cause your appearance
will give me vision

Maa, I’ve not seen you
just heard about you
from those who have seen and been
with you
and they’re so privileged
cause they had the opportunity
which i don’t

Maa, i am here, where are you?
this question will be unanswered all my life
i know
but i did, i do and will continue to
wait for you

Dear maa,
i am helpless without you
i need you
please come to me
and make my dream come true!

..ING..

2006-11-19T07:58:00.000-08:00

It’s complicating and suffocating
am hallucinating it’s breathtaking
all faking and no talking but only complaining
No sharing no gaining
You’re betraying and not defeating anyone in this gaming
it’s all beating, all hating
and it’s stating the cause of breaking
no appreciating it’s devastating
no understanding only discriminating
patronizing, dramatizing no sacrificing no realizing
it’s horrifying to recognize everything that’s left behind
Supervising the insignified
Telling everyone to step aside

..NEEDLES..

2006-11-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

This is how you feel
you don’t know how to explain
all that you feel is in vain
you stand by yourself in this lonely night
you don’t know who to wait for
you don’t know where to look
you can’t feel a thing, you just can’t think

you feel the needles that pass through, break you, and hurt you

you’re like these lonely stars
whom millions see and forget
you feel beneath contempt
no soul of your own
It’s captured by others, you’re really alone

you feel the needles that pass through, break you, and hurt you

you stand here once again
don’t know anyone passing by
you want to say a lot but have no words
or may be its the guts that seem to go away
sometimes it’s like these feelings that get to your mind
it makes you want to kill yourself
you’re miserable, you’re being axed
being pushed over the limit, beyond the edge
not being heard but ignored, being suppressed

you feel the needles that pass through, break you, hurt you

you’re dieing within yourself
the picture was blurry you wish
you close your eyes and see yourself
fading away, straying away
feeling the needles that pass through you, break you, that hurt you

..fUcK..

2006-11-19T07:47:00.000-08:00

FUCK MUSIC.FUCK ART.FUCK COMERCIALISM. FUCK POLITRIX.FUCK FREEDOM.FUCK UNIFORMS. FUCK UNITY.FUCK TV.FUCK PC.FUCK RADIO. FUCK AUTHORITY.FUCK CLASS.FUCK VIOLENCE. FUCK PACIFISM.FUCK GREED.FUCK $.FUCK PRIDE. FUCK HERITAGE.FUCK CONSUMERISM.FUCK TERRORISM. FUCK GUN CONTROL.FUCK GLORY.FUCK FLAGS. FUCK IT.FUCK ME.FUCK YOU.FUCK EVERYTHING. ...THERE IS NO TRUTH BUT WHAT YOU KNOW...

MY LOST MIND!!

2006-11-04T07:16:00.000-08:00

so i had a tierin day....n then to relax i went fr a cuppa coffee with a friend..just as am leavin the cafe i get a call frum my sis...to pick hr up frum hr friends place(her friends b'day party ws over)
so i bid adieu to moi friend n zoom to pick up my sis......why zoom...had plans to go ou partyin..so wanted to get home on time to dress up n blah blah!!

neways...so i pick up my sis..n then head to the market to buy some stuff...so far alls good...except the insane traffic..DAMN!! goa's population is increasing!!..so i get my way thru...overtaking..(which aint new)..n reach the supermarket...we enter n i go the toiletries rack...N start chekin ou the different shampoos....finally i did get one!! aftera lotta scrutinizing...i just wanted that smells good...N this one does!!

so pay the bill......n move ou...

nw...........i start the bike n ride!! i heard my sis shout bt i passed it off...(considering that we keep arguing so will do it later)

again am fighting thru the traffic....hopin to reach home ASAP.....then i remembr that while i was in the supermarket my mum had called me...askin me to pick p a coupla things ...groceries n stuff!!

so i thought to myself that id ask my sis to get off the bike n purchase all the required stuff...while i wait outside!!

nw i do stop N tell my sis to go n do the needfull...bt alls silent....no response......soi talk again....the prevailing silence nw started to scare me...so i turn around n ....am shocked to see that there's no one behind!!

my heart was in my mouth...i panicked(nutin like this ever happend to me before)....my sis aint behind me...when she is suppose to be....i thought she fell off the bike...why i would think this...i still havent figured out.............

i reach to my take ou my cell...(it was in my bag...dont like to be bothered when am ridin....)
n there i have a coupla missed calls frum hr...i call back....N....yeah she hadnt sat on the bike..when we were at the supermarket....HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
she was shoutin ou to me to stop n taek her along.......

i laughed out loud...altough i was panicking at the same time!!

she didnt fir me n stuff...bt laughed herself.....i was so fukin lost in my thoughts that i didnt realise.....entire way she wasnt behind me on the bike....she boarded the bus to get home...

later i narrate the whole incident to my maa....which she already knew....since she spoke to my sis over the phone....

we had such a hearty laugh.....then i get a message frum sis....sayin...thats the reason u should ask the person sittin behind u on the bike...whether he or she is ok...n comfortable!!

Yeah i do agree with her....so lesson learnt

bt........WHAT WAS I THINKING??

..ME..

2006-11-03T08:44:00.000-08:00

I’m here writing these lines
I don’t care if they don’t rhyme
want to know more,what’s within my core
wonder what went wrong, what can go wrong
It’s like a cobweb in my head
I can’t sleep when I’m in bed
the world dosen’t care I’m in despair
people keep talking I’m just walking
thinking what’s there ahead of me
who am I who can I be

These thoughts in my head I dread
are like unstable waves
building these human graves
to this question there is no answer
if I knew who I am I wouldn’t wonder

what lies beneath me I don’t feel
I’ve begun to feel that wounds don’t heal
I just bare the pain of not knowing anything
the more I go deeper it’s like fever
when you become so weak and handicapped
It’s all so packed
I want to unfold so it can be told
how much i am suffering while I’m preparing
I’ve no clue it’s stuck like glue